Diatribes by Joah

What I have in common with an NFL star

This weekend, I found out I have a lot in common with one of the National Football League's brightest young quarterbacks. Let me explain.

***

Notre Dame perpetually has one of the most highly(over)-rated football teams in nation, but it wasn't a very pretty sight for the Fighting Irish faithful during the first round of this year's NFL Draft when one of their favorite sons was tested like few of us ever are in life.

Although part of me thinks I can relate.

On Saturday, in a span of about four hours - and after two Longhorns (Michael Griffin and Aaron Ross) were taken with the 19th and 20th picks - much-maligned, oft-critiqued quarterback Brady Quinn was finally selected with the 22nd pick of the draft by the team the Dublin, Ohio native grew up watching (Cleveland Browns).

Now for those of you who aren't big football fans, let me give you a little background on why this is important:
1) Notre Dame's coach Charlie Weis has called Quinn the next Tom Brady, the same guy that led his team to three Super Bowl titles in the last five years;
2) Quinn while with his share of flaws was without a doubt a near-finished product and his draft stock was as high as a top-five pick just weeks before the draft;
3) Quinn was not expected to drop below the ninth pick (boneheads of the entire draft - Miami Dolphins);
4) The difference between being a top-five pick in the NFL Draft and the #22 pick is about $25 million;
5) The Cleveland Browns had a chance to draft Quinn, with the third pick, earlier in the draft but passed to select an offensive tackle...Quick: Name an offensive tackle who's led a team to the Super Bowl...exactly.

Now, you may be asking, "what does any of this have to do with Joah?" And for the answer, please recall something I'm sure I've said to many of you time and time again.

Luck is when hard work meets opportunity.

***

The NFL quarterback position is one of the toughest position in all of sports. It's even tougher when you’re coming into the league like Quinn as a rookie from a prestigious (read: contentious) university like Notre Dame (or USC or Texas in football; or Duke in basketball) where the spotlight is hot and the expectations are high.

Similarly, getting a book deal can be one of the toughest things for a young person to do, especially when you're 23 years old and your dad isn't the President (wink wink Jenna) or some Dorm-to-Dot.com tycoon.

Quinn, who was an all-state quarterback in Ohio, earned a scholarship to Notre Dame where he went on to break 36 different records at the position before finishing third in Heisman Trophy voting along with All-American honors.

Now I certainly haven’t piled up any literary awards or broke any writing records, but hard work has garnered me some occasional recognition.

So in some regards, when the Cleveland Browns - who were definitely big fans of Quinn’s unique mix of skills and moxie - passed on the quarterback with the third pick, the scene was all too familiar.

In fact, just over six months ago, I too was passed over by my preferred team, albeit a book publisher, and they too had stated they were enamored with my writing and charisma.

There I was, like Quinn on Saturday, wondering why my hard work as a writer wasn’t being met with an opportunity to share my talents. Where is my luck?

Back when I was initially rejected by the publisher - because that’s honestly what happened - it was a major blow to my inflated ego. This can not be understated.

And after all the hype, magazine covers and super-agent Tom Condon talking about which top-ten pick wouldn’t passed him up, I’m sure Quinn’s ego was pretty inflated when the Draft started on Saturday.

But then, somewhere between Quinn being passed over by both the Minnesota Vikings and Miami Dolphins, I saw something in the brown-haired QB that made me proud as papa.

I saw a young guy sitting with his head high, smile wide and composure that demonstrates exactly what made Quinn worthy of top-pick consideration in the first place. Keep in mind that the guy accepted an invitation to sit in front of the world - during ESPN’s all-access draft coverage in New York - because he expected to be one of the top draft picks, not 22nd!

Then I reflected on these last few months between quitting my job in September - without a job in hand and partially on the expectation I’d be signing book deal in the following weeks - and my 24th birthday last week.

Those months, not much different from those four hours (of hidden frustration, confusion and bewilderment) for Quinn, I saw a mirroring of the character traits I’ve relied heavily upon over the last few months. Because you don’t have to be an NFL star to hold your head high, smile wide and show composure in the face of adversity.

Because when you set a goal…I mean when you publicly share a goal and put it, along with yourself, on display before others to be critiqued and lambasted, it can be tough going.

In those hours, months or whatever timeline your character and commitment to a goal is tested before an analytical audience, it’s important to remain dedicated to being the same person you were while in pursuit of your dream.

And that character and commitment are a major part of the hard work you put into fulfilling that dream. That was a major part of Brady Quinn’s Saturday afternoon.

So when the Cleveland Browns traded a few picks to get back into the first round and snag Quinn with the 22nd pick, I couldn’t help but relate it to my latest and most exciting endeavor.

Last week, after being denied just six months ago, I signed a book deal with Texas Press - the publishing house of the University of Texas at Austin.

True, Quinn will be missing out on the $25 million he would’ve earned as a top-five pick. True, I will be missing out on tons of money by not signing with Random House or one of the other major publishing houses. But what Quinn gains in comfort from playing with his hometown team, I also hope to gain in going with my alma mater’s publisher.

Either way, no one can say neither Quinn nor I failed to accomplish what we set out for. He’s going to be an NFL quarterback and I’m going to be a published author.

As to whether Quinn becomes an MVP or Super Bowl-winning quarterback in the NFL, it’s honestly up to his hard work, his team’s opportunities and a bit of luck. After what I saw on Saturday afternoon, I’m confident he’s capable.

Now, as to whether my endeavor will flop or be the preface to a career spent largely on the New York Times bestseller list, I believe my path won’t be much different than Quinn’s.

After all, I was something like a 22nd pick too. And we’ve both had our share of luck in recent days even if it wasn’t as early as we would’ve liked.

You Don't Need HBO For an Entourage

Everyone should have an Entourage.

Obviously, not all of us can be the next big thing in Hollywood a la Vincent Chase. And most of us will never have (or need) a business manager or personal driver the way Vince has his best friend E and quasi-cousin Turtle.

But you don't need fame and riches to have room in your life for a good group of friends. Friendship is free. At least the good ones are. So when I celebrated my 24th birthday this past weekend, I marveled at how blessed I am to have my very own entourage.

No, I don't envision myself wanting to hire one of my friends as a driver - I like driving too much to hand over those duties - nor do I think I'd like the idea of living with three other guys as I approach 30 (E and Vince just celebrated their 28th birthdays, I believe...and Drama is definitely a few years their senior.)

However, I do have a close group of friends, both guys and girls, who have my back just like I have theirs. And as you get older (not "old", but older), it's important to know who has your back. Especially if you use your blog to serve yourself up for other people's (amusement and) judgment each week.

More than 220 people get this email now, but it started out as a weekly message to about a dozen close friends. This dozen or so represent the people I plan to grow old having beers and going to Texas football games. These are the people that can always put you in your place and keep a person like myself in check when I start feeling invisible like Vince did after Aquaman beat Spiderman’s opening-weekend record.

Ultimately, it’s these friends that allow me to have a diatribe at all. My best friends Colby, Stephanie, Peter, and my oldest brother Kahron are especially attuned to what makes me tick and why I am the way I am. So if they approve of something I do or am doing, I feel doubly emboldened to pursue it whole-heartedly.

That said, the main reason I'm so comfortable being so open with these weekly messages is because I already know who has my back. And thanks to God, I know that I can include most of you in that group. I know that no matter what my thoughts are on the Don Imus situation or what team I root for in the NBA Playoffs or what's on my mind that particular week, I have the comfort of knowing there are people who - above everyone except my family - love and respect me for being myself. Ego and all.

So throughout the past weekend, as I celebrated my birthday with Steph and Peter, Joe and a few others, I realized just how blessed I am that I don't need to watch HBO to know there are people to look out for me and for me to look out for.

Having these people with me is going to be increasingly important for me as I begin living a more public life with the coming months and years. Sometime this summer, my blog is going live on the Internet at its very own Web page (no, not some Blogspot). I just signed my book deal so you can expect two books from me in the next two years. You may even see me on Oprah's couch before long if things go as well as I think they should. And then there’s Austin…and I have big plans for Austin.

Not far off, I'll (hopefully) be in an elected office representing people that believe in me and the ideas I represent. I would be 100 percent letting any and all of my future voters reading every single diatribe if it makes them understand why I would consider myself fit to serve. So for someone like myself that aspires to serve the voting public one day, living a public life is something it's beneficial to get accustomed to.

Similarly, it's beneficial to know who has your back. Because whether you're Vince Chase and thinking about firing your long-time agent (played oh-so-good by Jeremy Piven) or having sex with your new and extremely attractive agent or you’re an upstart politician readying for your first major campaign, you'll need good, loyal people in your front, back, sides and, perhaps most importantly, your ears to help you navigate today’s landscape of 24-hour news cycles and YouTube where your life can be wrecked with a few misplaced words, HDTV where your physical flaws are magnified and blogging - where anyone with a computer can attack you with a live and captive audience.

In closing, let me state that I have made it through the first 23 years thanks, in large part, to my entourage. And, with my continued friendship, I hope to share any and all success that comes my way just like Vince and his boys.

Like Snoop Dogg tells us, “’Cause it ain’t no fun…if the homies can’t have none.”

Roll credits. This diatribe was executive produced by Mark Wahlberg.

Plotting Your Life's Flight

Recently, I have conversed with several of my friends and colleagues about where we are. You know, where - in life - am I? Am I patiently waiting? Am I hopefully waiting? Am I doing the right thing? Am I living in the right city? Am I in the right relationship? And so on and so forth.

Thanks to the "get rich quick" schemes prominent in our lifetimes, the "rags-to-riches" stories we hear about everyday,  and the "25 under 25"-type magazine articles we read each month, our generation doesn't have much respect for time.

Our parents expected the fruits of their labor every five-to-ten years ... back when no one got a promotion within a year or two and divorces came after several years of “trying to work it out”. But today, employers try to match the short attention spans of our generation by making even lower-ranking entry-level positions (i.e. Assistant Account Executive) just to keep us around long enough to give us the job we wouldn't have been willing to wait five years for. And marriages barely make it that long.

Instead, every couple of years, we expect benefits because that’s what we’ve grown accustomed to. For example, it wasn’t until the last two years of high school that most of us really buckled down and got serious about getting into a good college. Similarly, in the early years of college, our priorities were having fun and taking in the experience, but our upper-class years were spent (worrying and) getting serious about our post-undergrad lives.

Even still, many of us go for the 24-month safety valve (third year of law school is being questioned more and more each year) known as graduate school without clear reasoning. Meanwhile, young professionals, like myself, leave their first post-graduate jobs in less than two years…taking on the highest bidder along the way.

So my question is simple: Do you know what your life will be like in 24 months?

Obviously no one knows the answer to that question, but you can be sure you expect some serious rewards/benefits in the next two years. Otherwise we wouldn’t be doing anything at all. So, with the expectation for rewards (i.e. high-paying or high-profile job, marriage, luxury car, etc.), we make presumptuous plans to attain them. But even the best laid plans, which I am fond of making myself, can go wrong at the blink of an eye. Even the most well-constructed and mapped-out plans can be uprooted by bad karma, bad decision making or bad timing.

Tides can turn very quickly.

But even quicker, winds change, which explains why even the smoothest plane ride can become bumpy without a word of caution. A good job turns bad. Your new boss may suck or your pay raise wasn’t what you expected. Or maybe it’s something in your personal life. Your relationship gets sucked into a vacuum and spit out with no friendship to spare or a roommate becomes intolerable. Turbulence - like stress and uncertainty - is a part of life.

So yeah, shit happens, but how can we limit and/or avoid turbulent times and maximize benefits?

My answer: pick a real destination, plot an ambitious, but realistic course, and take off really soon.

Every minute, pilots take off with a destination and a course and we should do the same with our lives. Those pilots also recognize the potential for turbulence and plan accordingly for those varying and, sometimes, unexpected circumstances. They are trained for every possible situation to take care of the  people on-board.

Are we simply concerning ourselves with the rewards (destination) or are we trained for all the situations?

Yes, most of us have destinations. "I'm going to be a Senator." "I'm going to rid the world of its problems." "I'm going to have a great family."

Yes, some of us may also have courses plotted out. "After law school, I'll work for a firm for a few years then..." "After my residency, I want to travel to work in an AIDS clinic..." "If I work here for another year, I'll get promoted then..."

And, yes, some of us may even think we've taken off already.

But none of us really have. We've only just finished logging the mandatory 2,000 miles in the cockpit before getting approved for our commercial pilot's licenses. We've never flown a 747 before, we’ve been flying prop jets the Tuskegee Institute’s finest would have laughed at decades ago. But now that we've earned our licenses, 200 passengers are waiting for us to get them where they're going.

Those 200 passengers are your family, friends, colleagues and others whom rely on you to play an equal part in their own lives. They need your help to get them where they’re going. Sociologists tell us the average American has a community/network of around 200 people - these are the people you could name in two minutes without assistance.

But none of those 200 people are going exactly where you’re going, well maybe one. You see, in life’s flight, you’re only the pilot of your own life. It’s not-so-much an international flight from Miami to Moscow as it is a Southwest Airlines-type commuter flight where in order to get from Los Angeles to New York (per say), you have to make stops in Las Vegas, Houston, Nashville, Chicago, and Baltimore before you finally get where you’re going.

Those each represent a 24-month stop in your life. We travel a lot more than our parents did, that’s for sure.

So when I ask you what your life will be like, it’s not a matter of what job you’ll have, what relationship you’ll be in or what city you’ll live in. It’s not even a question of what rewards will come your way in the next 24 months.

Instead, it’s a matter of how you will prepare yourself for the various situations? Who amongst your 200 will remain on-board? What kind of pilot you’ll be?

And how will you minimize the layovers?

Finding the One, Sorry Keanu

I have a list. And yes, I have it on paper.

You can laugh all you want, but that's the kind of person I am. I realize what I want - call it a goal, plan, objective, or whatever - and I put it on paper. And then I go after it.

It worked for me to get a full (free) ride through college. It worked for me to get a "beyond my years" job in D.C. immediately after graduation. And it works for me whenever I plan a vacation or do a monthly budget. That's just what I do...so I say, why stop at that?

That said, I created the list. This list is pretty self-explanatory honestly. It's a one-pager with bold-faced categories for "Physical", "Professional", "Education", "Social", "Family" and "Other." In those categories, various attributes, characteristics, qualities, values and other factors are laid out which, ultimately, help me determine if it's her.

You know, the One. And I'm not talking about the Matrix.

So the reason I bring up "the list" is because I've spent a good bit of the last few months and weeks thinking about it and developing it. Yes, there has been some tinkering since its initial draft version, but mostly in the form of additions...hardly ever do I subtract from what I have already given substantial value to by placing it on "the list".

However, during my introspective deliberations, I have come to terms with the notion that the list is not the answer. Nor will it ever be. Because, unlike planning a vacation or working hard to get a promotion, there is no simple path to finding her.

But the list does help me along my path to her. It has also helped me realize when the path I am on isn't going in the right direction and I need to circle back. Alone. So with every addition, I realize another value or attribute I am not willing to ignore or live without in my future wife. With every tinker, the weights of each of these qualities and interests vary by the milligram, metaphorically.

I think most people would say they have some framework of a list, even if they choose not to put it on paper. Others may say the very idea of a list is inane. "How could you possibly think a piece of paper could help you find your dream woman?"

Honestly, I can't answer that question. I don't really know what this piece of paper is going to do besides give me something silly to blog about. But I do know that thinking about the very things on this piece of paper have helped me decide who to date and/or when to stop dating someone.

You see, I have a couple of rules about "the list": 1) the list can't determine who I date (initially, at least) and 2) the list can't be used as a breakup guide (i.e. I have to have more legitimate reasoning than "it says here on my list that you need...").

But after this weekend, when my first love/high school sweetheart of-sorts, visited me I had no choice but to pull out the list and make a new rule: she can't have a list.

I know it's ridiculous for me to have such a hypocritical rule, but when I think about who I was as a 15-year-old and who I'll be when I turn 24 in a couple of weeks, and then realize that there's a woman out there that loves both versions of me, I realize that either her list hasn't changed in nine years (and this could be a problem) or I haven't changed (and this could be a problem).

And, quite honestly, I'd rather not know. Call it a blue pill if you want.

Giving Advice is Plenty Easier than Receiving It

“No one wants advice - only corroboration.”

-Grapes of Wrath novelist John Steinbeck

I’ve mentioned the significance of friends, role models and mentors in recent weeks, but there’s something that bridges them all together: advice.

As Nobel and Pulitzer Prize-winner Steinbeck confirms, advice is hardly ever truly desired. Instead, most of us are really looking for corroboration or confirmation of choices or decisions we have already made.

True, there are times when we seek out to friends and colleagues for insight and their views and experiences before making a decision such as “should I break-up with my girlfriend” or “should I quit my job”, but too often, people refuse to accept (and act on) honest and sound advice.

However, I realize there are a couple of key reasons people may not truly want advice. For starters, as Earl of Chesterfield once noted, “Advice is seldom welcome; and those who want it the most always like it the least.” In other words, the people that ask for advice, who double as the people that really need it, may also be the same people unwilling to accept it.

This isn’t much of a stretch to explain why so many people refuse good advice. For example, you may have already decided to quit you job, so why would you listen to a friend telling me about how tough the job market is? Or if you’re about to break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend, why would you want to be convinced otherwise if you fully believe you’ve already thought long and hard about your decision?

So when you get a phone call from a friend saying “I really like this guy/girl, what do you think?” or “I’m taking this job, do you think that’s a good decision”, know they’re not always whole-heartedly seeking your honest advice, but instead soliciting corroboration.

Perhaps that explains some of it.

Still, there may be another reason people aren’t willing to accept advice: the people they get it from lack credibility.

This concept is something some of us are not willing to admit, even about ourselves. “Am I credible enough to offer advice about the thing my friend is asking me about?” or “Do I have the track record to give good guidance on this?” Those are definitely questions Britney Spears would need to ask herself before giving someone PR or parenting advice.

For instance, it’s not a stretch for me to consider myself one that offers sound professional advice. I’m no billionaire entrepreneur (yet) or genius (obviously), but I have a fairly proven track record within my own professional life (so far) to the point that various individuals (who are also in their mid-20s) come to me for advice about job changes, pay raise requests, and all types of other work-related issues.

This isn’t new information for anyone familiar with my sooner-than-later-to-be-released college/professional guidebook, Notes from the Class You Missed. However, for those not in the know, the main reasons I have become a source of professional counsel are a) I’ve written, prepared and reviewed over hundreds upon hundreds of resumes (no kidding) and cover letters, b) I’m an ultra-Networker, and c) I have a track record of getting things done to advance my professional life (I once had 20 job interviews in less than 36 hours).

So it’s pretty safe to say I’m credible enough to give professional advice. But sometimes it’s not a track record that establishes credibility. For example - based on my range of experiences in both the relationship and dating worlds, my life experiences in varying socio-economic levels, and other personal experiences - I also have become one that gives some personal life advice, as well. Where Dr. Phil presents himself as an expert, I simply position myself as experienced.

So then the question some of you may have is, “how does one become credible?” And for that answer, look to Webster’s definition “worthy of belief or confidence; trustworthy.” Being “worthy” of belief or confidence comes from your track record (my professional life) or your breadth of experience (my personal life).

Ultimately, I believe the people whom have come to me for advice see me as a credible person because of the way I live and have lived my life, both personally and professionally. Yet there are others that do not seek advice from me for the exact opposite reason; they do not see me as credible. Either way, I’m sure you have plenty of justification.

However, when its all said and done, half of asking for advice - either from me or from someone else - is acknowledging that the person or people you are asking are credible enough to give you worthwhile advice you are willing to consider acting on. And not just to corroborate.

That said, make sure you do the following when asking for advice: 1) ask yourself if you’re willing to accept the advice and 2) make sure you’re asking credible people.

And if you’re giving advice you need to: 1) make sure the advice was solicited, no matter how much of an expert you are (I’ve been guilty of this more often than I’d like to admit) and 2) make sure you’re credible enough to give sound counsel.

In closing, I think this is one of the best quotes about advice ever stated, but I’d need to know a bit more about its author on a personal level to decide if it’s credible.

“Never eat at a place called Mom’s. Never play cards with a man called
Doc. Never go to bed with a woman whose troubles are greater than
your own.”
- 20th Century writer Nelson Algren