Diatribes by Joah

Yes, this needs to be said...and said again.

Isn't this why Zuck built it?

Admit it. You sometimes use Facebook to check up on people you used to know. Old elementary, middle, and – most definitely – high school friends. College classmates. Former coworkers. Exes. Yes, exes. No, they don’t all live in Texas. That’s why Facebook is such a wonderful application of technology, isn’t it!?

Anyway, my point is simple: Facebook is a good stalking tool. But this isn’t stalking in the sense of following someone into their apartment building or grocery store. No, that’s real stalking. Like what happens to movie stars. Or Erin Andrews, bless her heart. No, I’m talking about Facebook stalking.

I know you won’t believe me, but this isn’t something I make a habit of (who wouldn’t say that, I know), but I promise you I’m being honest. Long story short, I ended up spending a couple of minutes…seriously, just a couple of minutes…searching around to see what was going on with some girls I dated in the past.

Not to name names or point fingers, but I ended my Facebook stalking session in a weird place because of what I found. I have three main conclusions: 1) I’m definitely at that age where all my exes start getting engaged (I counted three in the last 6 months alone). 2) I'm happy for them, but (and this is the crudest, cruelest thing I’ll ever say) I think I got the best of them, 3) I am a rather pathetic person. I mean would I want my exes looking at my Facebook pictures and making conclusions about my level of happiness, the person I’m dating, the life I live, the places I travel, etc.? Probably not.

But this damn Facebook thing is too damn powerful. I feel like it’s a waste of good technology not to catch up on old friends and flames. I mean that is why Zuck built it, right?

Maybe I should think about creating a category of blogs for regrettable posts. What do you think?

 

[Post-Disclaimer: My girlfriend says she doesn’t read my blog because they always seem to rub her the wrong way, so I’m going to chalk this one up as one of those blogs she won’t lay her eyes on. That, of course, means she will. As The Wire’s McNulty would say with a dumbfounded look, “what did I do?”]

Deep Thoughts, on Swing Sets and Life

Think back to your childhood for a moment and answer this: What was your favorite part about being on a swing set?

(a) Being pushed by someone who cared about you.

OR

(b) Getting to kick your feet up to the sky and let loose.

I think if forced to choose just one, the result would tell you a lot about the person answering.

If you chose (a) that may mean that you're a family-or-friend first type of person. That you prefer to have the support of loved ones before embarking on a new, potentially dangerous endeavor. That you get more joy out of being around others than being alone. That you welcome support and contributions from others.

However, it may also mean you like bossing people around. Perhaps you wouldn't reciprocate that loving push at all. It could be possible that this seemingly fun activity is something you're doing solely to take advantage of the other person. There are plenty of ways to analyze this activity.

On the other hand, if you chose (b) this could indicate that you're a freewheeling, make-the-most-of-the-moment type of soul. This may hint at a desire to be one with the Earth. Or get closer to a higher power. Maybe you just like the feeling of flying or letting go of reality.

Then again, this high-flying activity could mean you're not yourself when you're grounded with others. Or that you're holding a lot of pent up energy, possibly even frustration, and need these types of moments. Perhaps you just have more fun when you're further away from others and have some alone time.

Interestingly, a swing only allows you to feel these sensations, think these thoughts and channel these energies for brief moments. Still, these brief moments can often appear as microcosms for how we approach life in general.

Then that leaves me with one final  question...

What happens if you choose (c) being on a swing set in general?

It may seem like this simple-minded, happy-go-lucky person is the most appreciative of the opportunity for some joy and excitement, particularly if a friendly push is involved, but me thinks it may suggest a lack of consistency, realism and stability in life in general.

Promise I'm not on some stuff...just thinking out loud.

A list only I can make...5 Most Attractive Cities in America

This is extremely biased and subjective, but it’s also extremely well informed.

You best believe I'm going to brag here and say I've yet to meet anyone under 32 who travels to and understands American cities overall as well as I do. I spend more time consuming things about cities, on trips, from magazines, while listening to friends and people on planes, in bars and local establishments, etc., than pretty much anything else. Some people may know the West Coast or the East Coast really well, or the top 5 cities where they do business, but what about cities like Charleston, Memphis and various neighborhoods in New York and Chicago?

Also, I have some very attractive friends and know exactly where the attractive people are in most American cities. I've been single in the past (recently off the market) and use my time traveling very wisely. Each city has a different language, a different tenor and temperament. I usually know exactly what those things are within 24 hours. Lots of assumptions are made. So sue me.

All that goes to say that you may or may not agree with my list of the 5 Most Attractive Cities in America (for young professionals), but I think there's plenty validity to it.

[Disclaimer: I haven't been to Denver or Boise or Cleveland or Milwaukee before. If those cities have more attractive people than any of the ones I list here in the top 5, I'd be willing to walk on hot coals barefoot while eating a scoop of my favorite ice cream.]

This blog idea came to mind the other night when I was having dinner at Apothecary, one of those Austin establishments that seems to pull attractive women (a yoga place is next door). I was with some married friends I'd met on a plane ride back from San Francisco earlier this year who've lived in or traveled all over the place. They were were recently in Chicago and knew I'd be there for this past and the upcoming (Lolla) weekend and were interested in my opinion on what cities had the most attractive people. 

This list isn't necessarily something actionable. These aren't even necessarily the cities with the most approachable attractive people (like a Louisville or a Seattle). It’d be another blog for me to tell you what cities are best to meet someone new (which is definitely not New York or L.A.) But without further ado, let me start by telling you which cities didn't make the top five cut and why.

Too Cold Division (too damn cold to have extremely attractive people year-round): Boston, Chicago (more on this city later), Philadelphia, and Minneapolis

Too Little Excitement Division (not enough "action" to have extremely attractive people): St. Louis, Indianapolis, Kansas City, and any other city in the Midwest/Rust Belt region not named Chicago

Too Self-Righteous (too too-something to keep extremely attractive people around): D.C. (too self-important x too transient), Portland (too hipster x too white), San Francisco (too hippified x too techy)

[Huge miss on the 1st draft; now added the Step Children Division for San Diego and Pheonix. They're neither LA nor Vegas attractiveness-wise. But they're close enough to be honorabe mention.]

Honorable Mention:

Charleston (Upside: for kids who can't make it into Ivy League or top liberal arts schools, but love the beach; Downside: no diversity)

Louisville (Upside: check this out: in 2000, Louisville was 47.28% male and Charleston was 47.34%; no other cities were closer to New York City's gender balance (47.38%); Downside: Louisville?),

Seattle (Upside: cocktail bars, every major sport, outdoor activities, highly educated...a less cool-hunting, less pretentious version of San Francisco; Downside: When do you ever see skin?)

Houston and Dallas (Upside: Texas’ two biggest cities; bar scenes, sports, colleges, blonde hair; Downside: They’re not Austin)

Chicago (Upside: sort of like the best of New York style-wise and Austin culture-wise; Downside: Most people in the middle of the pack (i.e. the majority) are neither stylish like New Yorkers nor as fit / swimsuit-ready as Austinites).

The LIST

5a. Las Vegas: Tourists tourists tourists. The craziest, wildest lot of them. Plus the locals are bartenders, cocktail waitresses, door guys and strippers. You do the math.

5. Miami: South Beach. Double down on tourism, but its the Latin flavor be it Cuban or Brazilian that takes the temperature up a notch.

4. L.A.: Everyone done up. Makeup. Handbags. Calf implants. Everything done 'up'. Still, it's all about the face.

3. Atlanta: One of the top cities for gay men and straight men alike. Walk into an establishment and there are 50 guys, 50 girls. Sorry ladies, this may not work out for you.

2. Austin: Why are 25-to-34 year olds moving here more than anywhere? The weather. The laid back culture. The outdoor spirit and fitness. Barton Springs. ACL Festival. University of Texas. Concerts. South by Southwest. Attractiveness year-round. Still catching up on the diversity front though.

1. New York: It starts with the style. Sure, they're beautiful. Men. Women. Gay. Straight. Young. Old. Students. Professionals. White. Black. Asian. Latino. European. African. Jewish. Tall. Short. Thick. Petite. Happy. Sad. Depressed. Excited. Rich. Struggling. Whatever you want. It's all here. And they're all stylish as hell. Pretentious as all hell too.

Highlights from Miami

Twice in a month's time, I took Jetblue's nonstop flight from Austin to Fort Lauderdale. Why? Because of this awesome new eyewear brand Tortoise & Blonde. Well, that was the main reason. T&B held a private showing of their frames to Miami bloggers and others in town for Swim Week at The Shore Club. Last month's trip, however, paled in comparison to this past weekend because my travel homie Niraj took the trip too. Here are the weekend's highlights:

5. The Tortoise & Blonde event, duh! Did I mention they had live African sea tortoises!

Look at the little guy coolin' out in the shade.

4. Tourists going local

Niraj and I checked out a cool Uchiko-like resturant called Gigi that we both appreciated. Pretty much anything with pork belly or short ribs is going to please us. Was a very strong local follow-up to the previous night's meal at Nobu. The same can be said of our visit to this house-party like club called Villa 221 that we checked out late Saturday night after spending the previous night at South Beach establishments like Mokai.

3. That angel named Sade

It was nice walking into the "home of the Miami Heat" without having to see an NBA Championship banner hanging from the American Airlines Arena as John Legend closed his set with "Green Light", but the real highlight was seeing Sade...one of those special artists I've wanted to see for years. I've now seen both Jay-Z and Kanye perform in my home city, Rihanna sing up-close-and-personal (literally, 10 feet away), hung out with Pharrell and Will.i.am in their studio buses, seen Paul McCartney perform "Blackbird", Bob Dylan and Mick Jagger perform at the Grammys, watched Devo play "Whip It", saw Roni Size do the entire "New Forms" album and Public Enemy do "It Takes a Nation of Millions..." since I turned 21...I'm almost prepared to die and go to Heaven and I'm not even 30!

Yeah, that angel-like creature is Sade.

2. The beach and poolside views

First, from the hotel room at The Shore Club.

Then, by the pool

And some the views I'm talking about can't be captured in photos like this.

1. It's not often that I travel to a place like Miami solo (like I did a month ago) then go the following month with a good friend, but it's exactly what happened here. Niraj and I have now tackled Chicago (Halloween), L.A. (Grammys), New York (Memorial Day), and Miami in the last year. After coming out of a lengthy relationship late last year, one of my New Year's resolutions was to travel with good friends more. You learn a lot about someone (and yourself) by spending time with people in less familiar environments. I've certainly learned a lot by sticking to this resolution in 2011.

At one point, after driving 110-120+ in the rented Ford Mustang on I-95, I was pulled over by a Miami police officer. The officer immediately ordered me out of the car and asked me why I was driving so fast. When I told him it was because I had to use the restroom, he then asked who else was in the car. In that moment, I was thrilled that it was Niraj. He let us be on our merry way and I think it's because he, too, likes the occasional late night cruise with a homie. Hell, that's probably part of the reason why he became a police officer.

Hall of Famer Michael Irvin Supports Gay Marriage too

Who Inspires Me: Terry Lickona

A few weeks ago, I told you about one person who inspires me. Terry Lickona, the long-time executive producer of Austin City Limits (the 37-year old show, not the decade-old festival), is definitely in this group as well.

 
Niraj, Terry (right) and I just before the start of the Grammys

How I met Terry: In the process of starting work on my book Indisputable: A Fan's Guide to the Live Music Capital, I made a dream list of people I wanted to sit down with and learn from. Not so much interview, as learn from. Terry was pretty much the top guy on that list and lo' and beholden we became friends immediately thereafter.

What Terry does better than anyone: For a guy who's had the best job in Austin's music business for nearly three decades, you don't get the impression that Terry is slowing down, aging himself out of the music business and putting on blinders to up-and-coming talents the way some people in town have (there names will go unmentioned). Empires and corporations have fallen because they didn't have leaders like Terry stewarding the ship and keeping an open mind about new developments and ideas. Music has continually changed and evolved over his tenure as the executive producer of ACL, but the show remains relevant today with artists like Florence and the Machine just as it was 30+ years ago when Willie Nelson helped debut the show.

Where I've improved because of Terry: He's a very good listener and very generous and who couldn't learn from someone like that! The friendships he fosters aren't just for industry purposes. He's a real guy with genuine interest in what you're doing without being judgmental or preachy as many older industry types, or older people in general, tend to skew. I'm hopeful to pick up a thing or two via osmosis.

Why I'm thankful for Terry: No, not just for the invitation to the Grammys. I'm thankful for Terry's friendship because of the above and also because I seldom find someone who represents the type of person fully grounded in success while constantly striving to learn something new, develop new friendships and do the atypical. It's special to meet someone who's influential and successful at his age who isn't completely set with who their friends and associates are and someone who is willing to be open minded even though they're in a position to dictate from previous success. My friendship with Terry is a testament to him being that special type of person.

Rules for Parents on Facebook

I've been getting into tons of conversations about my friends' parents being on Facebook. It's about time I provide some tips to parents before they are virtually disowned by their children.

Rule #1: Facebook is not real life!

While us young(ish) people know this, parents' first reaction often times is to make Facebook the portal to have the daily communication with their children they so badly desire. But it's not real life! Writing on a wall or commenting on a photo is not going to all of a sudden make your son or daughter want to have an hour long conversation about that thing.

Rule #2: Don't like everything!

To that end, don't get confused to believe that it's your parental duty to "Like" every single thing your son or daughter posts on Facebook. It's not a numbers game. And even if it was, yours doesn't count because you're a completely biased parent.

Rule #3: No, I'm not going to post all those photos.

Parents must refrain from asking their children why they chose to post those photos of their friends or that trip with their boyfriend or girlfriend, but not the photos with mom or dad. Hello...Facebook is not a portal to parent-child relationship management!

Rule #4: Parents should never poke.

Don't poke anyone that is also a friend of your child. Period.

Rule #5: No, you're not invited.

Just because you see an event posted on my wall, does not mean that you're invited. No offense, but if you come, I'll be obligated to make sure you have fun and also that you don't have too much fun. Just not cool.

That's all for now, but if (or when) my mom joins Facebook, I'm sure I'll have about 30 others to add.