Diatribes by Joah

If I was a blogger back then...

here are some things I would've blogged about.

5. Being racially profiled by police for the first time

I'd been followed around in department stores before and experienced a good bit of racism as a young teen, but the story I'm referring to is when I was 17 and I spent the summer with my grandmother and uncle in Greenville, South Carolina. [I'd moved to Killeen, Texas, the year before.] After getting my paycheck from Pizza Hut (my high school job) my uncle and I stopped at the grocery store a couple of miles from my grandmother's house then headed back home. While driving through a green light, the light turned to yellow and then I saw a cop behind us and saw the sirens come on. We were stopped for "running a red light" according to the officer, but it didn't take long for us to be summoned out of the car with our hands up and to get onto our knees.

Another officer pulled up quickly and my uncle was arrested for "fitting a description". The car was turned inside out and I was left on the sidewalk with no cell phone or license way to drive home. When I was pulled over in Georgetown, Williamson County, Texas one year later - while meeting with a friend I'd just met at the Star of Texas Fair & Rodeo Scholarship Banquet (which I'd just won) - nearly the same thing happened. But that time I wasn't so surprised.

4. Why John McCain should have been the Republican nominee for president in 2000

Al Gore probably would've won which would have been interesting, but if McCain won I wonder if there would have been as much of a justification behind the Iraq war. Obviously McCain is a shell of his former self, as evidenced by his staunch backing of the Arizona immigration law in hopes of getting re-elected (which is crazy considering he was rumored to have only been concerned with one term as president). Regardless, it would've been a good topic to cover. Especially as a 17-year-old.

3. Why Shawshank Redemption should've won Best Picture

I'm still beside myself thinking about this one. Hate all you want, but IMDB.com is one of the most-important sources in the movie business and nearly half a million people agree that it deserved a lot more recognition. I recently watched Siskel & Ebert's review of it and I love how quick Ebert is to come around once Siskel gives it high praise. Too bad he had to die first, Siskel was always the smarter one. I fully believe that the only reason Shawshank didn't win Best Picture or Best Director is because Pulp Fiction was perhaps equally worthy, thus splitting votes and forfeiting the award to Forrest Gump, the crowd-pleaser with far less significance and replayability years later.

2. My favorite albums of the '90s

The order would've been something like this:

 - 1. A Tribe Called Quest - Midnight Marauders - If I were stranded on Lost, I'd want to have this before most things.

 - 2. Radiohead - OK Computer - Duh.

 - 3. Jay-Z - Reasonable Doubt - Best album he ever did, which is saying a lot considering all the other classics.

 - 4. Outkast - Aquemini - Most creative hip-hop group ever who took the South to new heights.

 - 5. Dazed & Confuzed Soundtrack - One of my fav all-time movies and one of the best all-time soundtracks, filled with classic classic rock.

 - 6. Wilco - Being There - I owe my love for Wilco to my best friend Colby whom I met in '99.

 - 7. Roni Size - New Forms - I probably have replayed this album more than any other except Midnight Marauders over the last dozen or so years.

 - 8. Dave Matthews Band - Crash - Saw them five times in concert as a result of this album.

 - 9. Michael Jackson - HIStory: Disc 1 - The King of Pop reminded us why he earned the title.

1. Life in Killeen, Texas

I left Kileen in 1991 listening to MC Hammer on a U-Haul truck driving to South Carolina and moved back in 1999 listening to Outkast...hip-hop definitely grew up along with me. Not much had changed. The mall was still the "scene". The movie theatre was still the best entertainment in town. People still went to drive-thru liquor stores and ate a chain restaurants. The main difference was being old enough to drive to Austin on weekends.

One of America's most beautiful neighborhoods to run

I've run in so many beautiful places in American cities.  I've run Town Lake in Austin, over the Golden Gate Bridge, on the sands of Manhattan Beach, the West Side Highway in New York, the Hollywood Hills in L.A., the Cleveland Park neighborhood of D.C., Charleston, S.C.'s Rainbow Row, up steep hills in Salt Lake City, along snow-filled yards in St. Paul - Minneapolis and past Army barracks at Fort Knox, Kentucky. These, and too many others, have been runs that I savor not only because they offer good training grounds for road races, but also because of the beautiful and varied scenery they provide. I've been to Memphis half a dozen times, but this week, before my Real Role Models book signing  at Davis-Kidd, I went for a run in the city's Evergreen Historic District alongside Overton Park and fell in love.

Having spent part of my childhood in Greenville, S.C., I've long been a fan of those Southern-styled homes that don brick exteriors, large grassy yards and comfy porches, but I think Memphis takes the cake as far as I'm concerned.

Tree-lined streets

with names like Stonewall and Avalon;

where vinyl does not exist,

and privacy is measured by nature, not acreage.

 

"Getting a trim" is a landscaping reference.

Class is measured not counted.

Trees grown heavenward;

and you call each other neighbors, because you live in a neighborhood.

Get ready for World Cup 2010!!!

Whether you're a fan or not, this commercial has to get you pumped for WC2010. 

My favorite commercial right now

If you've been watching ESPN as much as I have to catch highlights from the NCAA tourney, you've seen this, but I can't get enough of it.

I feel so used by Rupert Murdoch

I don't watch Fox News. No, I'm not a raging liberal, it's just that that fear-mongering, Obama-bashing excuse for a news network has done such a terrible job of building off of the great legacy FOX created with Black America. What's so weird about the whole thing is that Rupert Murdoch, the billionaire behind News Corp., the parent company for both Fox and Fox News, is somehow responsible for giving us the network that brought In Living Color, New York Undercover, Living Single and Martin, four shows that catered directly to Blacks yet his news network does the complete opposite...it'd be like B.E.T. hiring Ryan Seacrest to host 106 & Park...

Don't get me wrong, I love 24 with Kiefer Sutherland and I know Fox News does a good job to balance out the lefties at MSNBC, but when I look back at these shows, it doesn't make sense if I'm putting myself in Rupert Murdoch's shoes. It seems pretty obvious that he used Black America in the mid-'90s to build his empire in order to support his conservative political stances via Fox News in the 2000s.

How to go out like a CHAMP!

People of Earth:

In the last few days, I’ve been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me. For 17 years, I’ve been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I’ve been absurdly lucky. That said, I’ve been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.

Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over The Tonight Show in June of 2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004 I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future. It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.

But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my Tonight Show in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime-time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule.

Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the Tonight Show to 12:05 to accommodate the Jay Leno Show at 11:35. For 60 years the Tonight Show has aired immediately following the late local news. I sincerely believe that delaying the Tonight Show into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The Tonight Show at 12:05 simply isn’t the Tonight Show. Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the Late Night show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.

So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of The Tonight Show. But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn’t matter. But with the Tonight Show, I believe nothing could matter more.

There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next. My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a show we can be proud of, for a company that values our work.

Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it’s always been that way.

Yours,

Conan