Diatribes by Joah

I'm the Best Man, He's the Best Friend

Confidence was never really something I lacked.

Even as a kid when my dad left us for the second time, I was so used to being confident about myself and unafraid of rejection that I went through his departure like it was nothing. [Only in the last few years have I really dove into this emotionally.]

It really wasn't until I was 16 years old and a couple weeks out from my junior year of high school that I first felt what it was like to be afraid and without confidence about myself.

My mom had moved us back to Killeen, Texas, from Greenville, South Carolina, and while I had spent my first seven years of life in this Army town (home of Fort Hood) in Texas, I was not certain what I'd find when we moved back.

The first thing I discovered was that 115 degree heat was really really hot.

Then my mom took me by the high school I'd be attending to register for classes. Killeen High School. It was two times larger than my high school in South Carolina even though they only had 10th - 12th graders there. The 9th graders were in a separate school I was told. My 11th grade class would have more than 1,100 students alone. My 10th grade class in South Carolina was like 300 students. I basically knew everyone and everyone knew me. I was in the marching band, I ran track, I was in National Honor Society, and I had two older brothers who attended the same high school.

Everything was different in Texas. People said "thuh" instead of "thee" for starters.

I considered joining the marching band, where I thought I'd fit in having been an All-County baritone player in South Carolina, but the marching band at Killeen was nothing compared to the band I was in at Berea High. I was used to much more competitions and camaraderie. The band at Killeen seemed more like an extension of the chess team tbh.

So the next day I woke up at 5:30 a.m. and went to cross country practice at Long Branch Park to see what that would be like. I didn't know anyone and I hadn't even run cross country in South Carolina, but I was a distance runner (mile and two mile), and had mostly posted 5:01 to 5:05 minute miles my sophomore year.

At 6 a.m. there were about 8 or 9 of us who started running. I didn't know the route so I just hung toward the back and listened in on the conversation. I quickly realized that hanging toward the back wasn't just for a lack of knowing the route. These guys were fast! I picked up my pace and started making small talk before leading into a conversation about times. I wanted to know what kind of times these guys had posted in track the previous school year.

One guy said he'd run a 4:47 mile, another guy said 4:36, another said 4:42. I almost threw up in my mouth. "WTF did I get myself into?" "How am I going to make the varsity track team with guys this fast!?" "Wait, you said you're a junior, too?" "And you're a sophomore?"

Thankfully the run finished before I embarrassed myself by falling too far behind. After the run, I had to figure out how to get myself to the high school to shower and get ready for class. I didn't have my driver's license yet nor a car of my own. My mom had dropped me off at the park.

A second later, a guy who had been running toward the front of the pack...I think the same guy who'd said he ran a 4:36...even worse. He was a senior. He was white. He looked like a young Brad Pitt, no joke. All these things went through my head...he had a car (an SUV actually) and he offered me a ride to the high school. Sure thing, and I hopped in.

He turned the ignition and a Dave Matthews Band song came on. Say whatever the hell you wanna say about Dave Matthews and him being talentless or not indie enough or a sellout or whatever you will, but damnit if the sound wasn't music to my ears. It was the first familiar thing I'd felt in weeks. I had just seen DMB in concert earlier that summer with some of my bandmates and SC high school friends.

So Colby and I became friends not because of Dave Matthews Band was playing or because we both ran cross country or because we quickly found out that we both loved to read books (not just the ones assigned in school) and we both had family and had lived in South Carolina.

Colby and I became best friends because he was the person who met me during the lowest point of my early life, when I had the least amount of confidence, I was the new kid in school, I had no friends, I knew no one, and he made me feel like I belonged. He was able to do this because his experience growing up the only kid of a military officer father who'd moved every couple of years throughout his childhood gave him a unique perspective on exactly what I was going through. He knew how I felt and, without saying anything, did whatever he could as a friend to not make me feel that way.

I still hated so much of my junior year. Ask my mom: I cried at home nearly every week because I missed my friends in South Carolina and I became disappointed when they didn't write or call or keep me in the loop as much when I left. I had a girlfriend in South Carolina, but in Killeen I struggled. The only girl I "dated" in junior year dumped me after 3 weeks and dated one of my cross country teammates, believe it or not.

But Colby wasn't just a friend of convenience. We ran together, we read and talked about life and politics and what kind of lives we wanted to live. We rode around for hours in Killeen in search of house parties on Friday nights and drank MD 2020s and shitty beer underage. We ate at chain restaurants and listened to Wilco and Three 6 Mafia.

We only had the one year of high school together because then he was off to college in North Carolina and I went to UT the following year, but we stayed in touch even before text messaging was all the rage and before Facebook existed and before we could Skype or video chat on WhatsApp when he graduated and got deployed to Iraq the first time in 2004 during the peak of the Iraq War. We would talk on his Sat phone or send long emails about what we were going through. Him in a Humvee with his unit, me graduating and starting my career in D.C. I was in the business of creating or preventing news about people or companies. The work he was doing, serving our country, was on the news. More than once, I cried at night fearing the three or four reported deaths on CNN would include my best friend. But none did.

We met each other's girlfriends and visited each other in the various cities we lived in. We watched and supported each other through the quarter century life crises so many have. He went to Ranger School then Special Forces selection. I moved back to Austin and started Sneak Attack then Style X. He moved to Germany and deployed more. I took a job at Bazaarvoice. I was his Best Man when he got married. He and Sarah moved back to the States. I launched Localeur and birthed a company. He and Sarah birthed a beatiful baby daughter and I became a Godfather. So much more has happened in the last couple of years, more job and life and relationship changes than are necessary to mention in this post, but through it all my best friend has been there.

Right now, he's deployed in the Middle East in one of the world's most dangerous regions and I couldn't be more proud of the service he continues to give to the country. But honestly, I'm mostly proud to call him my best friend. When he got married, I stood up and gave a speech. People smiled and laughed but all I remember was saying, "Somehow I'm up here as the Best Man, but there's no way I'll ever be the bet man because he's sitting right here beside me."

I still feel that way. I am a very lucky person to have this guy as a friend and I don't hesitate one bit as a straight man to publicly share how much this guy has meant to me for the last 18 years and how much I love him and am proud of the man he's become. Thanks for always making me feel welcome and giving me confidence in myself and for giving me confidence in the country and who is protecting us.

Happy Birthday. Love you brother.

Tech Bros

A tech bro isn't just a man working in the tech industry. A tech bro is a man who gets a promotion or venture funding or job at a well-known tech company and thinks it's highly unlikely a woman or minority is deserving of said promotion or venture funding or that if they were deserving of it, because "tech is a meritocracy", they would have gotten it. Never mind the fact that white males are the gatekeepers at all companies, venture firms, institutional LPs and such. Basically this guy thinks he always outworks everyone, and don't dare bother him with statistics.

Unicorns

Being a founder is constantly jumping one hurdle after the next. It doesn't stop. Ever.. When I see startups raise a ton of money pre-launch or announce a big VC raise in their first few months on Techcrunch, I don't think it's time for congratulations just yet. I actually fear for many of those founders, especially the first-timers. Yes, they may have secured more runway and more money for engineers and talent, but the next hurdle they'll have to climb will be a shit ton higher, too, without actually increasing their level of satisfaction significantly in the journey. I'd personally rather go from a 2-foot hurdle to a 3-foot or 4-foot hurdle than from a 2-foot hurdle to an 8-foot hurdle but maybe that's just me. I think a lot of founders get tripped up (no pun intended) thinking they haven't succeeded if they don't have a Techcrunch story about the top-tier VCs they got or if they aren't on track to be a unicorn. Truth is, you're a unicorn if you've found a problem you're passionate about solving and you're attacking the problem to the best of your ability and enjoying the process of doing it.

Likeability

I've learned there are two kinds of likeability. There is the kind where you have a packed birthday party. This kind requires popularity and the prospect of a good time. These are people you celebrate a Friday night with. Then there is the kind where you accomplish life goals. This kind requires believability (in what you're trying to accomplish) and the prospect of success. These are the people you celebrate major life moments with. When I was younger I cared way too much about the first kind, but now I look for people who are going to help me grow (and people I can help grow), people who teach me something or show me something new, people who embrace my goals and share their goals with me, and people who I can connect with beyond the surface of a weekend buzz. There are so many people who will try to join your team when you're winning. Those people don't like you, they just like your position. The people who truly "like" you are the people who like the person you are today and are invested in the person you're trying to become.

Notes from SXSW

SXSW 2017 notes: Don't schedule more than 2 meetings/commitments in a day to leave room for serendipity. Don't pitch investors during SXSW. If you're going to get an investment, they won't be so lazy as to require you meet during SXSW. Just have good conversations with warm intros...if they lead to raising money, that's great. Do get a wristband or badge. I've done SXSW every way and the best way is with, at least, some access to see shows or talks. Do meet up with friends from out of town. You won't see them all, but do your best to see as many as you can. These connections, however loose, can help down the road with relationships for work/life/love. Don't look at the SXSW Music schedule for known-acts/big names only. You can go to Coachella if you need to see a current star. Do break up with your significant other before SXSW if you think it's coming. You don't want to be that couple on the street outside a venue having a blow up argument. I saw this no fewer than a dozen times this past week. Don't party every day / night. Even if it's just 2-3 hours a day, leave room for time to chill at home, go see a movie, go for a walk, eat a meal at home, get some work done. It'll help with the SXSW aftermath that you don't feel a week behind on life. Susannah and I saw Logan one night and ate dinner at home. Another night, Larry, Gary and I went to see Get Out at Alamo Slaughter. Can't get further from SXSW.

A Real Warrior

A couple days ago, I was at an event with a lot of tech leaders, founders and investors in Austin and my investor Brett Hurt, one of the best serial entrepreneurs this city has, was introducing me to one of the founders of TrueCar. The amount of pride Brett expressed in being one of my investors was plenty, but then he added, "Joah is a real warrior." It's probably the favorite thing I've had a fellow entrepreneur, a highly-successful one at that, say about me. I get that there's a time and place and value to things like experience and talent and being able to call up a bunch of VCs and raise millions of dollars, perhaps all things I don't have in spades. But what I get even more is that there's a time and place and value for attributes like drive, determination, dedication and passion. That's what I have in spades. That's what my entrepreneurial experience has entailed over the last four-plus years. I left my last day job the week of Labor Day 2012. Since then I've been paid less money in 4 years than what I made in my last year of a 9-to-5. But, no doubt, it's been worth it. There are a lot of competitors in the sector Localeur is in, but none of them will EVER beat us because we lacked or were outmatched when it comes to grit and perseverance. There's no real secret sauce to Localeur that makes us grow and continue to thrive. There are no patents. And, honestly, we don't really have any trade secrets. We simply have a team that understands authenticity, quality and cares about local more than anyone else, and I know that tone starts - as it did over four years ago - with me. Other startups can raise more money, hire more developers, get more followers on Instagram or whatever, and pay more writers, but they will simply never beat us on the key attributes that lead someone like Brett to describe me to another serial entrepreneur as "a real warrior." That much I'm certain. I should put it on my business card.